Winter ( And another one with a different style this time )

 On the shore, at a point so close to the ocean.

Watching blankly as the waves broke.

Petals of sweet blossoms rained down, gracefully painting the seas to its color.

Looking at towers of black coal wood.

Decorating the streets with their moist brown leaves.

Through all this beautiful sight, soon comes winter.

How I savored all what is in this thing we call living.

How I wished that the threes offers its blossoms.

Let it offer for eternity and never ending.

More than thousands presented itself each day, as if it won't lose its buds.

As time never stood still, it within a flash died down.

Fascinating truly how a slight change could effect something, creating such a drastic turn.

However, I thank you sincerly, for the story I took just from this.

As the next spring comes, as the next winter comes, I would perhaps take a warm jacket along.

Menutup mata (( Indonesian poememememe))

 Apakh mereka lupa bahwa kau tak buta?

Apakah kau sudah lupa, bahwa jantungmu berdetak karena dan untuk dirimu?

Sayap putih, lembut di setiap bulunya.

Matahari kembali bersembunyi, satu persatu dari bayangan itu bangun, mencabik daging dan kulit, tapi kau masih ragu?

Langkah demi langkah yang kau ambil.

Menarilah seperti pelawak! Topeng itu sudah tak berguna dan labil!

Tutuplah matamu, hai malaikat!

Tangis dera mereka tertera jelas bagaikan sebuah plakat.

Kaca terletak dihadapan mereka, tapi yang mereka lihat adlah orang lain.

Kaca terletak dihadapanmu, tapi kau tak melihat seorangpun.

Apakah mereka lupa bahwa kau juga manusia?

Apakah kau sudah lupa, bahwa kau tidak bisa terbang dengan sayapmu yang terkekang?

Sayap putih tak ada lagi, sekarang sudah tercabik-cabik.

Terkutuklah kau yang menangis! Air mata sudah tak berarti lagi sekarang.

The worthless doll (( Not my best honestly ))

 Dance! Dance! Dance to the beat, to the music.

Play, throw, and use it.

Not to your liking I see, why don't you cut and mold it the way you like!

Take care, preapre, or perhaps break its pych!

Everyone would see it beautifully to perfection.

Beckon each and every move, every one of its desicion.

Stiched button eyes, it must be incredibly wonderful to have such gaze.

The people that witnessed it are stuck, lost in a daze.

It's all burned out now, all set up, all ready to be thrown away.

Heartless souls shall be overjoyed, for they shall laugh, drink and sway!

"A worth for nothing puppet is what that doll is! "

How can they be so blind? How can they not see your neverending tears?

Dance! Dance! Dance to the beat, keep going for the music have not stop!

Play, throw, and use it. End it yourself or wait until they throw you away!

A waltz with the dead. ((Another poemememem))

 The people sings! What a euphonic march!

How this castle says my name like an elegy.

Sweet taste of wine, still lingers on my tounge.

The feel of apricity on the skin, how so comforting.

Skeletons and ghouls, came rising from the earth.

They greet me, invited to join their waltz.

A step and another, echoed through the walls in rythyms.

Heels tapped gracefully, fabric thrown in the air then pulled back.

Rapid knocks on the coffin door.

How very tired I am of funerals.

Day by day, each second and each piece are just another of sorrow.

Cold water seeped through the rough holes of what are my bones.

What beauty! What honor! Thy tounge, how astute.

All so soraphic, pretty lies, ugly truth.

Rapid knocks on my coffin door.

How very tired I am of funerals.

Avalee! ( Another poem :) )

 Her soft angelic wings shall spread as she sings the notes of heaven.

Let the crowd cheer and clap, for their senses hath deaden.

Avalee! How thy shine blinds, how thy voice deafen!

They all shall follow and serve as thee beckon!

How thou share all thy sob tales!

All those mesmerizing words that spread which sound alyauntes!

Oh, Avalee!

The people solace and gaze at thee with glee!

In truth the devil has never been a man of red.

Fallen souls, let them scream as thee pull the thread.

OhM Avalee!

In truth, the devil is on with a golden case, when is the time for them to see?

Reality, thou are one to stick needles to the heart.

Avalee, thou are on to pierce with glass shards.

Thy tounge, oh, how intoxicating.

And how all I am to do is stay in silence, waiting.

In truth, shall thou be punihed as heavy as thy sins.

An old tale remains unforgotten. ( Another poem)

 Gliding through the sand, slowly loosing foothold.

I smiled, however thee respond not, the wish of thy gaze, the memory and story of gold.

How the sight of mine blurred, no longer have I hold the ability to keep thee close.

Nothing in act I could change, that was what thee chose.

Nothing within my grasp nor what was my sanity was to stop her.

The image of her soft gaze came passing by, as she played the game of wonder.

Ocean blue silk, gently cling onto her figure.

Cruel truly! How ye could have been though of slight, kinder!

Devild in its ugliest ye are!

Broken is what her heart, her thoughts constantly at war.

Hast thou no tears? Let them weep now or never more!

Bolladonna! Oh dear sweet blossom!

Ah! Thou I adored so, within my hands thee wilt.

True I loved you... True I did.

Do not wake me again! ( A poem written by me ofc)

Wretched souls! Within the flames of hell ye all shall burn!

As the bells toll, judgement greet upon ye.

Life fell feeble, but thee is it not.

All to care are fame and gold, proven wrong I have not.

You feed of only through crimson red windows.

Flung away is what thy hearts, torn apart is what thy limbs.

"Lift thy swords! And let it dance against their throats!"

The cries and piercing sound of a black arrow sang in the air like a hornet.

" What a gush of euphony!"

How it swells! But ye kept turn a blind eye.

Words shelled in sucrose, senses deaden.

O' grantors of sorrow and demise!

Grant this last wish of mine! Burn this world whole, and so take down too what is left of I!

Dolls and Puppet

 Fear not on whom are not capale to take the body. However, take fear upon those whom are able to take the soul and what is unworldly. Death adn darkness, never are the two described as kind. Count not thy steps , for it matters not. What is life? What is death? In pure honesty I, until currnt time could not see the vague line that seperates the two to be different. In a dee darkness follows light. And within such blinding light, follows that darkness. In death follows a funeral, in life follows death. How such uncertainties disturbs me most. "Is it a dear of the end?", Let me tell you this, gentlemen. Fear is not one whom took over I, not whome drove me to this state of madness. For death in its truest form is not the end of this thing we call life; nor is it the start of a new one. For death is a part of it. The more we are to live, the more we are to know about death. The closer we are to death, the more we are to understand on the purpose of living; and so, vice versa. Death is cold, dark, and hollow. Like a doll it does not posses a soul nor does it to a will. This clears the fog within the defenition of death. It is not when ones heart stops itself from beating, it is when both feel and will is lost. Once will is no more, thou shall dance, walk, and talk like a puppet, A doll, This, however, does not better life in any way either.

The Book of Enoch

The word of the blessing of Cytherea, how she blessed the truthful and the righteous who were to exist in the time of trouble; rejecting all the wicked and tainted. Enoch was a man of purity and balance, to the voices of its angel should it obey when she beckoned. Though through the phase of sorrow or the time of blithe, should it accede, without a portion of doubt, not caring their bewildering appeal.

The man of truth and nature it has been called for decades, has the people look down in fear and despair as he took the blood of the ‘innocent’. It was however still a man, breathing, though numb it too still feels. Its voice sang like a hornet, sword raised, which cut through heavens and earth, it conquered by day. Crystal pearls pool up and it shall drink it whole, without leaving a drop by night, only to create another facade by the day. The snow tainted boy has written once within a book that is now long lost in history : 

“Some despair isn't meant to be forgotten. Some lives aren't meant to be saved. Some things aren't meant to go in one's way. 

Tell me, gentlemen, what is there to live for? Affection? Fame? Gold? Or is it to find a reason to be worth? For one who could not have the ability to love someone... Something... I suppose there is no longer any feel of living any longer within this world, no? 

Now tell me, why was I saved by what was supposed to be against I; therefore, the fiend that was supposed to be buried deep unnoticed hath been given a second chance, escaped once again from the colourless. 

Why was I chosen? I could not tell whether was it a blessing or a curse... Either way, I would prefer to return it to the hands of my Father. 

The people said that an error occurred during an inhumane experiment, which resulted in an explosion great enough to be able to kill hundreds; which it did, made something as great as destruction seem so light to a being's gaze. 

However, may I tell you now the bitter truth.  That all along it has been I behind the soothing angelic screams and cries, I was the cause of each and every one of their hopelessness and desperation. Even to this day, I could not rest without a single howling screech that that day has brought to me. I did so, in the hopes of I too, will sink down with what I have destroyed. With the hopes of I too, will find peace within the flames of hell itself; where I would happily trade that sort of position for this one.”

The rest of the script was history, did it lose the need to complete what was started, or did the rest disappear to dust? No one could answer but the writer himself.

Let us travel through his story, shall we? I shall guide you through it, though some might be lost.

It whose cries were not heard by the gods nor were they heard by man, knees pulled, hugged tightly to his chest, its head buried into them, in an attempt to silence its sorrowful sobs. Who were they to care? Mocking eyes looked down at the child they call ‘grotesque’, as the snow white boy screamed in agony, needles stuck in within every inch of his body. Poor thing, but could you really blame them? It was nothing but a mere item! Worthless, what a waste of time and space don’t you think? Living in such agony, it should’ve died a long time ago, and he did. 

Its angel whispered to him once again, let it obey even if its to sacrifice its life. The snow white boy has crimson covering its body and soul. Does it care for a single life besides its angel? I suppose it is quite obvious of the answer; where he could watch the world if it is to burn with glee if its angel was the cause of it, or perhaps told upon him to light it aflame, Or even if the olden crimes and punishment is to return back to the days of present, if it is in the will of its angel, it will without doubt obey without the need to know on the reason hiding behind the angel’s intent on the act.

My thoughts about the mid-semester test

It has been a while since I've done anything here so let me tell you about what I've been doing for the past two weeks. In my school we have something called STS, or in summary some sort of final test but it's in the mid-semester. And earlier today, which is monday, I got the results to it. Am I satisfied with it? No. Am I disapointed with my result? You can say it like that but that's not quite the case. I'm npt fully disapointed with it because I know my limits and capabilities are not really around those sorts of subjects, but I am also disapointed that I got quite the low score for my high standard, why you may ask? It's because I studied for more than 3 hours for each subject and still got an 85 percent, imagine that! I sometimes wonder why my brain works this way, but, it is what it is I suppose and I have to learn to actually accept it (Though I quite literary refuse to at this point due to my rivalry with a rat ). 

Now, was the tests hard? No, not necessarily. Well of course it was because I studied, but I kept on making mistakes I won't realize, not until someone pointed out to me, just like in my mid-semester tests where I absolutely got slapped in the face with the result of 85 for my civics, grotesque! I am quite proud of my physics however, I did so much better than last year, ut not enough! I, out of spite of my rival will do better no matter the stake just to defeat her! It's my only motivation to get a good score at this point, aside from getting a schoolarship and to persue my career as a criminal psychologist.

.

 Seeing a creature so clueless, hath made I bewildered. How does one live in a world so dark? How does one live in a world without a single creak? How does one live in a world where no words can be spoken? A fiend hath said once, "Why do thee worry for such unimportance, why don't thee worry for what society hath thought of thou instead? Thee hath showed I how shallow thy mind is." And I hath thought to myself, "What thee said may are the truth, but mayhaps the stupidity of I hath rot thy sanity, for thy soul is hideous, for thy words are empty, let told a teaching within the gospel of the Heavenly Father, Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And let told another advice from I, it is not society that hath sought bad of I, but it is thee who hath done such ruthlessness, for thee hath fallen within the grasp of leviathan, and I shant put or ere thee appreciation as token, but I shall open thous eyes and let all thou hath done upon others consume thee. For thou hath yet never cared for anyone but thyself, for thou only care for thy feelings, thou hath only thought about what thee wants, and not what thee needed nor what society needed.

Thou look at I with the eyes of hatred, rage, and despair, motioning that all that I hath told upon thee are nothing but mere truth. Hear now, you devilish beast, I shall repent thee with thy's saying, a dark hatred hath bloomed inside of I, for you are not only one, you are hundreds, thousands, millions, thou is society itself. The fault is not mine to receive, the fault is not the Heavenly Father's to blame on, for humans have sanity... It is you to put on hang, thou ugly humans, thou merciless beasts.

L'homme de la nature et de la vérité

Some despair aren't meant to be forgotten. Some lives aren't meant to be saved. Somethings aren't meant to go in one's way. 

Tell me, gentlemen, what is there to live for? Affection? Fame? Gold? Or is it to find a reason to be worth? 

For one who could not have the ability to love someone... Something... I suppose there are no longer any feel of living any longer within this world, no? 

Now tell me, why was I saved by what was supposed to be against I; therefore, the fiend that is supposed to be buried deep unnoticed hath been given a second chance, escaped once again from the colourless. 

Why was I chosen? I could not tell wether was it a blessing or a curse... Either way, I would prefer to return it to the hands of my Father. 

The people said that there has been an error occured during an inhumane experiment, which resulted an explosion great enough to be able to kill hundreds; which it did, made something as great as destruction seemed so light to a being's gaze. 

However, may I tell you now the bitter truth.  That all along it has been I behind the soothing angelic screams and cries, I was the cause of each and every one of their hopelessness and desperation. 

Even to this day, I could not rest without a single howling screech, that that day has brought to me. I did so, in the hopes of I too, will sink down with what I have destroyed. With the hopes of I too, will find peace within the the flames of hell itself; where I would happily trade that sort of position for this one.

To be truthful with you all, I too do not wish to suffer this way. They have always said that what my past is creates who I am today. But truly I do not care, wether if I had a different past, that I will be as low as an insect, I would prefer it that way. 

An insect... Or as I myself prefer to take it to speech, as a rabbit... A rabbit who watches it's life, even to the simplest form of despair, the rabbit have not the ability to act anything towards it, for the only act it knew was to curl up inside of it's own mind and only blame itself. Shame, guilt, and somewhat a tint of vengence, to destruct this world whole; but of course was too eaten by the thought of the consequences and punishment laid behind it. 

Now, gentlemen, you must now be having the thought of such: " You must be making a fool of yourself, with such blunt description of thee. "

And I shall respond to your claim, or perhaps your question. I was not only a lowly creature who could only wait for the colourless, I was also nothing but a coward who would take upon other's fancies, over than justice itself. However, I was not, and am not afraid for whatever consequences nor any punishment of my actions. I will gladly take it. In fact, if I could ever had the chance to encounter a gruesome toture at it's nastiest. I would be more than greatly pleased to swallow it whole with out a single complain. 

I am saying this to you, gentlemen. Not because I starve of a single drop of remorse. And indeed, by and with my consiousness I could never bring myself to say, " Forgive me, for I have wronged each and every one of you. ". It is not my ego that made I unable to say such things. However it is what I believe to be the truth and what is to be false. " How can something that is truth to be the false? " You must thought. Now tell me first before I answer your question. Do you believe in justice? Wether it is equality of the topic or even to punishment. If you are to be telling one that is not a controversial opinion, you may tell me that I was wrong on saying the truth is also false. If you are now to tell me that the entire living world would agree upon your claim, then you may,..,... within every chance and freedom, to say that I was wrong and I am wrong in having the thought of so. Let me tell you this: that justice is nothing but a mere opinion from the majortity. If a crime is to be done, and if the killer is to be caught, the people who side on the victim will think that an equal ú will be justice. However, for the people who side the killer, for they knew why he0 did so ( it could be self defense, it could be revenge in sort ), they will take upon that                              The one reason on why we all made this world fall into despair and darkness, is thpat we have such great consiousness, the same length as the consiousness of the Heavenly Father Himself. Would you imagine for me, gentlemen, a world without a single doubt on each of our kin, a world without any sorts of argument. A world where we all agree on one and think as one. 

You may call me a fool on having the thought of it. You must be having the thought of how plain the the living world would be if all is perfect. However, have the thought of other's suffering ever came through your mind ever before? Have the thought of even a single day would make it only slightly easier, just so that you wouldn't give in to the eyes which lurks within the darkness ever since the very living have been created. If you wish the same world as I do. Then I guarantee you, that you have understood half at the least of what I have experienced this far in life.

I am too, human however. I have thought of what felt like hope, I assure you, gentlemen, that I have forcibly immersed myself, on this illusion that we humans so called ' love ' it was within a decade when it has passed. Now, let I, have the enjoyment of speaking of myself, call me selfish all you like. However if it pleases me I shall do it now, I shall not let another regret within this lifespan of mine be haunting me any other way.

I once met a goddess, and that day I have already known that if I ever fall. I will not have another tint of will to reach anything beyond surviving. 

" The goddess... How she laughed, how she waltzed... The goddess, who she the one that see through masks, she the one who advice, the form which seek through castles of bricks.

Oh how foolish, that I have fallen, this throne of mine have burned to ashes. Oh how foolish, as she stood. Battling against the flames. " How shallow minded could thee be? "

One could not blame I, for I was meant to dance with the soothing music, and hands of the colourless. But she who stood against the gods... " Run. Leave. Don't dare to turn thy head back at what thou hath left "

" How foolish is she not? " 

The thought crossed mind... As the snow white, has been tainted, a hypnotizing, bold, and sweet shade of crimson."

It was truly such a preposterous decision of hers to undertake. I was in definite that I shall receive what I has been, unconsciously, avoiding. I was in certain that I shall find myself to feel numb at the least, to finally feel one and at peace. I do not understand what made her fall, for an unworthy and unfeeling fiend such as I, and what I was.

However, to thought that a heartless beast and a lowly creature as I, could have the chance and feel to fall for such a creation.