Some despair aren't meant to be forgotten. Some lives aren't meant to be saved. Somethings aren't meant to go in one's way.
Tell me, gentlemen, what is there to live for? Affection? Fame? Gold? Or is it to find a reason to be worth?
For one who could not have the ability to love someone... Something... I suppose there are no longer any feel of living any longer within this world, no?
Now tell me, why was I saved by what was supposed to be against I; therefore, the fiend that is supposed to be buried deep unnoticed hath been given a second chance, escaped once again from the colourless.
Why was I chosen? I could not tell wether was it a blessing or a curse... Either way, I would prefer to return it to the hands of my Father.
The people said that there has been an error occured during an inhumane experiment, which resulted an explosion great enough to be able to kill hundreds; which it did, made something as great as destruction seemed so light to a being's gaze.
However, may I tell you now the bitter truth. That all along it has been I behind the soothing angelic screams and cries, I was the cause of each and every one of their hopelessness and desperation.
Even to this day, I could not rest without a single howling screech, that that day has brought to me. I did so, in the hopes of I too, will sink down with what I have destroyed. With the hopes of I too, will find peace within the the flames of hell itself; where I would happily trade that sort of position for this one.
To be truthful with you all, I too do not wish to suffer this way. They have always said that what my past is creates who I am today. But truly I do not care, wether if I had a different past, that I will be as low as an insect, I would prefer it that way.
An insect... Or as I myself prefer to take it to speech, as a rabbit... A rabbit who watches it's life, even to the simplest form of despair, the rabbit have not the ability to act anything towards it, for the only act it knew was to curl up inside of it's own mind and only blame itself. Shame, guilt, and somewhat a tint of vengence, to destruct this world whole; but of course was too eaten by the thought of the consequences and punishment laid behind it.
Now, gentlemen, you must now be having the thought of such: " You must be making a fool of yourself, with such blunt description of thee. "
And I shall respond to your claim, or perhaps your question. I was not only a lowly creature who could only wait for the colourless, I was also nothing but a coward who would take upon other's fancies, over than justice itself. However, I was not, and am not afraid for whatever consequences nor any punishment of my actions. I will gladly take it. In fact, if I could ever had the chance to encounter a gruesome toture at it's nastiest. I would be more than greatly pleased to swallow it whole with out a single complain.
I am saying this to you, gentlemen. Not because I starve of a single drop of remorse. And indeed, by and with my consiousness I could never bring myself to say, " Forgive me, for I have wronged each and every one of you. ". It is not my ego that made I unable to say such things. However it is what I believe to be the truth and what is to be false. " How can something that is truth to be the false? " You must thought. Now tell me first before I answer your question. Do you believe in justice? Wether it is equality of the topic or even to punishment. If you are to be telling one that is not a controversial opinion, you may tell me that I was wrong on saying the truth is also false. If you are now to tell me that the entire living world would agree upon your claim, then you may,..,... within every chance and freedom, to say that I was wrong and I am wrong in having the thought of so. Let me tell you this: that justice is nothing but a mere opinion from the majortity. If a crime is to be done, and if the killer is to be caught, the people who side on the victim will think that an equal ú will be justice. However, for the people who side the killer, for they knew why he0 did so ( it could be self defense, it could be revenge in sort ), they will take upon that The one reason on why we all made this world fall into despair and darkness, is thpat we have such great consiousness, the same length as the consiousness of the Heavenly Father Himself. Would you imagine for me, gentlemen, a world without a single doubt on each of our kin, a world without any sorts of argument. A world where we all agree on one and think as one.
You may call me a fool on having the thought of it. You must be having the thought of how plain the the living world would be if all is perfect. However, have the thought of other's suffering ever came through your mind ever before? Have the thought of even a single day would make it only slightly easier, just so that you wouldn't give in to the eyes which lurks within the darkness ever since the very living have been created. If you wish the same world as I do. Then I guarantee you, that you have understood half at the least of what I have experienced this far in life.
I am too, human however. I have thought of what felt like hope, I assure you, gentlemen, that I have forcibly immersed myself, on this illusion that we humans so called ' love ' it was within a decade when it has passed. Now, let I, have the enjoyment of speaking of myself, call me selfish all you like. However if it pleases me I shall do it now, I shall not let another regret within this lifespan of mine be haunting me any other way.
I once met a goddess, and that day I have already known that if I ever fall. I will not have another tint of will to reach anything beyond surviving.
" The goddess... How she laughed, how she waltzed... The goddess, who she the one that see through masks, she the one who advice, the form which seek through castles of bricks.
Oh how foolish, that I have fallen, this throne of mine have burned to ashes. Oh how foolish, as she stood. Battling against the flames. " How shallow minded could thee be? "
One could not blame I, for I was meant to dance with the soothing music, and hands of the colourless. But she who stood against the gods... " Run. Leave. Don't dare to turn thy head back at what thou hath left "
" How foolish is she not? "
The thought crossed mind... As the snow white, has been tainted, a hypnotizing, bold, and sweet shade of crimson."
It was truly such a preposterous decision of hers to undertake. I was in definite that I shall receive what I has been, unconsciously, avoiding. I was in certain that I shall find myself to feel numb at the least, to finally feel one and at peace. I do not understand what made her fall, for an unworthy and unfeeling fiend such as I, and what I was.
However, to thought that a heartless beast and a lowly creature as I, could have the chance and feel to fall for such a creation.
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